Je suis écrivain

Ski Trip

2007-03-25T16:47:00.000-07:00

Private victories precede public victories

Article on Purpose

2007-03-01T07:49:00.001-08:00

ow do you discover your real purpose in life? I’m not talking about your job, your daily responsibilities, or even your long-term goals. I mean the real reason why you’re here at all — the very reason you exist.

Perhaps you’re a rather nihilistic person who doesn’t believe you have a purpose and that life has no meaning. Doesn’t matter. Not believing that you have a purpose won’t prevent you from discovering it, just as a lack of belief in gravity won’t prevent you from tripping. All that a lack of belief will do is make it take longer, so if you’re one of those people, just change the number 20 in the title of this blog entry to 40 (or 60 if you’re really stubborn). Most likely though if you don’t believe you have a purpose, then you probably won’t believe what I’m saying anyway, but even so, what’s the risk of investing an hour just in case?

Here’s a story about Bruce Lee which sets the stage for this little exercise. A master martial artist asked Bruce to teach him everything Bruce knew about martial arts. Bruce held up two cups, both filled with liquid. “The first cup,” said Bruce, “represents all of your knowledge about martial arts. The second cup represents all of my knowledge about martial arts. If you want to fill your cup with my knowledge, you must first empty your cup of your knowledge.”

If you want to discover your true purpose in life, you must first empty your mind of all the false purposes you’ve been taught (including the idea that you may have no purpose at all).

So how to discover your purpose in life? While there are many ways to do this, some of them fairly involved, here is one of the simplest that anyone can do. The more open you are to this process, and the more you expect it to work, the faster it will work for you. But not being open to it or having doubts about it or thinking it’s an entirely idiotic and meaningless waste of time won’t prevent it from working as long as you stick with it — again, it will just take longer to converge.

Here’s what to do:

1. Take out a blank sheet of paper or open up a word processor where you can type (I prefer the latter because it’s faster).
2. Write at the top, “What is my true purpose in life?”
3. Write an answer (any answer) that pops into your head. It doesn’t have to be a complete sentence. A short phrase is fine.
4. Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you cry. This is your purpose.

That’s it. It doesn’t matter if you’re a counselor or an engineer or a bodybuilder. To some people this exercise will make perfect sense. To others it will seem utterly stupid. Usually it takes 15-20 minutes to clear your head of all the clutter and the social conditioning about what you think your purpose in life is. The false answers will come from your mind and your memories. But when the true answer finally arrives, it will feel like it’s coming to you from a different source entirely.

For those who are very entrenched in low-awareness living, it will take a lot longer to get all the false answers out, possibly more than an hour. But if you persist, after 100 or 200 or maybe even 500 answers, you’ll be struck by the answer that causes you to surge with emotion, the answer that breaks you. If you’ve never done this, it may very well sound silly to you. So let it seem silly, and do it anyway.

As you go through this process, some of your answers will be very similar. You may even re-list previous answers. Then you might head off on a new tangent and generate 10-20 more answers along some other theme. And that’s fine. You can list whatever answer pops into your head as long as you just keep writing.

At some point during the process (typically after about 50-100 answers), you may want to quit and just can’t see it converging. You may feel the urge to get up and make an excuse to do something else. That’s normal. Push past this resistance, and just keep writing. The feeling of resistance will eventually pass.

You may also discover a few answers that seem to give you a mini-surge of emotion, but they don’t quite make you cry — they’re just a bit off. Highlight those answers as you go along, so you can come back to them to generate new permutations. Each reflects a piece of your purpose, but individually they aren’t complete. When you start getting these kinds of answers, it just means you’re getting warm. Keep going.

It’s important to do this alone and with no interruptions. If you’re a nihilist, then feel free to start with the answer, “I don’t have a purpose,” or “Life is meaningless,” and take it from there. If you keep at it, you’ll still eventually converge.

When I did this exercise, it took me about 25 minutes, and I reached my final answer at step 106. Partial pieces of the answer (mini-surges) appeared at steps 17, 39, and 53, and then the bulk of it fell into place and was refined through steps 100-106. I felt the feeling of resistance (wanting to get up and do something else, expecting the process to fail, feeling very impatient and even irritated) around steps 55-60. At step 80 I took a 2-minute break to close my eyes, relax, clear my mind, and to focus on the intention for the answer to come to me — this was helpful as the answers I received after this break began to have greater clarity.

Here was my final answer: to live consciously and courageously, to resonate with love and compassion, to awaken the great spirits within others, and to leave this world in peace.

When you find your own unique answer to the question of why you’re here, you will feel it resonate with you deeply. The words will seem to have a special energy to you, and you will feel that energy whenever you read them.

Discovering your purpose is the easy part. The hard part is keeping it with you on a daily basis and working on yourself to the point where you become that purpose.

If you’re inclined to ask why this little process works, just put that question aside until after you’ve successfully completed it. Once you’ve done that, you’ll probably have your own answer to why it works. Most likely if you ask 10 different people why this works (people who’ve successfully completed it), you’ll get 10 different answers, all filtered through their individual belief systems, and each will contain its own reflection of truth.

Obviously, this process won’t work if you quit before convergence. I’d guesstimate that 80-90% of people should achieve convergence in less than an hour. If you’re really entrenched in your beliefs and resistant to the process, maybe it will take you 5 sessions and 3 hours, but I suspect that such people will simply quit early (like within the first 15 minutes) or won’t even attempt it at all. But if you’re drawn to read this blog (and haven’t been inclined to ban it from your life yet), then it’s doubtful you fall into this group.

Give it a shot! At the very least, you’ll learn one of two things: your true purpose in life -or- that you should unsubscribe from this blog. ;)

Update 8/8/06: Be sure to read the follow-up to this article, especially if you’re having trouble with this particular approach (there’s an alternative method you can use): The Meaning of Life: Discover Your Purpose.
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Early Valentines Day Poetry

2007-02-13T06:36:00.000-08:00

I love your Africa

Licorice coarseness springs from your pavement
I enjoy it remember it then frame it
write about it live it and name it
I call it your Africa
Your calling card of African Descent
Your brown tan is my homeland
I love your Africa
--------------------------------------
Inside dwelled a stone
Inside dwelled a stone
u carved it

(My pride usually starves my nature/your smile de-petrified me/invaded the borders/ reversed the order/ massaged the shoulders/ u r lovely/my nature
You fed it/ teased/ then wet it/ electric shocked and set it back down/transformed/ my writers block/now I'm on fire like)

Igneous rock
magma cools solidifize (the moment eye connects with eye)

U made me prettier
u
crystallized me
May I return the favor/ search the inner u and/be blessed by your treasures?
It would be my pleasure (mouth waters... mmm your treasure) I digress.

Temperature increases
Magma evolution releases

Nature reveals
animal like love delusions (to be continued)
In due time(sighs)
Im patient yet eager to read the conclusion

SO lets talk about the 70's.

2007-02-12T14:10:00.001-08:00

There seems to be an image of the 70's as revolutionary , care free and liberating.

That is not how I view the 70's mostly because a lot of my family members destroyed or began some self destructive patterns in the 70's like crack cocaine & heroine..just drugs galore and alcoholism and all sorts of stuff.

My Aunts and Uncles wore their bodies down HARD in the 70's and early 80's and the ones who lived through it all jnow have miserable exsistences.....all kinds of disorders, cancers, heart problems,nerve disorders, diabetes, bad livers, brain damage, most of which could've been avoided with better lifestyle choices.

I remember growing up and our basement was a club.. and every weekend it was on.. Music, Sex, drugs and alcohol and partying all weekend. When I was small It looked like they were having so much fun. They used to dress me up and let me come down stairs and dance with them..... or have a sip of whatever they were drinking.... They would let me and Zylette ( some one's daughter who was around my age .... she btw is an alcoholic now at 26 with a couple of kids) sip on the ice cubes from their frozen drinks and dance on the bar as the party lights bounced around......SIGHS

..They had these big ole Cadillaacs.. that would pull up to the house blasting with music and packed with people.

My Aunt had a Purple Cadilaac How Cold is that ? They dressed nice .... Gold was in so they had jewelry.. FOR DAYS..... They would slip me a dollar every now and then... To me it was so Hollywood. Now My aunt has congestive heart failure bcuz of all the drugs and poor diet choices She just had a triple bypass.... She isnt so glamorous to me any more

I look at them all now and they are all falling apart. My God Aunt Maria passed away yesterday after a long crack addiction that she just couldn't let go of. It really held her tight for the last 20 years or so.

All my life I watched her struggle with it. When your small You just think its like a cold and It'll go away ..... But it the last 5 years or so I began to see just how bad it was. I think she could see the reality in my eyes when I looked at her one adult to another adult. So For a while she wouldn't see me on purpose.

She tried to turn it around so many times... all failed attempts..... She tried to be a Jehovah's Witness.. she went to therapy,,,detox.,, counseling... moved to Florida for a while... but it was just too strong by that point.

What makes me sad is that they are al like that the whole crew of them My aunt Maria, Hillary, Claude, AAron.... all these adults that I have known for all my life are falling apart... They just didn't make very good decisions..... and there is no time to go back and change any of it... it just it... and they just will fade away one by one

Excerpt Cross posted from my other Journal

2007-02-07T18:21:00.000-08:00

Im hot cuz I am You HATE cuz your not ROFL. One of my kids from work has that on their myspace page as the quote. It caught me off guard and I burst into laughter when I read it for some reason.

I went to a really good AIDS awareness session this evening. I wish I could have stayed for the entire discussion. Here is the link to the website BLACK AIDS DAY http://www.blackaidsday.org

A moment of sarcasm: There are so many parties in the name of Black History Month... I came across one flyer that said "Wear Black Cuz your Black and get discounted admission" & "
FADE TO BLACK...DISCOUNT ADMISSION W/ BLACK ATTIRE!"
Of course wearing black is how we commemorate our blackness... DUH...lol... my people...my people

I have a lot on my platter right now which always brings me to a place of prayer. like not kneeling on my bedside prayer like Direct connecting like hear me...Im talking to you.. hope your listening prayer..lol..im not very orthodox in my praying but it gets the job done so its all good.

My skin allergies have been kicking my butt today...I cant afford to be guzzlin any more Benadryl,,,I got Ish to do ad Bennie will put me to sleep with the quickness....

There is no such thing as over night success....as you become more successful you find that out

I miss.... a lot of things and nothing at all....I need alot of things and nothing at all.... its just where I am at right now

White, Gloves, Tea & Me ?

2007-02-04T17:09:00.000-08:00

I had an academic turning point tonight.

It seems only fitting to share it here in my academic journal. MY Livejournal.com journal is different, I feel as if my friends who read that part of me wouldnt understand this part of me so here I am. I attended the "Sista Sunday" high tea this afternoon. It was a gathering of women of color, including the Simmons COmmunity and several city wide sororities. I was hesitant about going for reasons I couldn't articulate until now. I didnt know what to wear but I figured what I wore was important. I didn't know who would be there but I knew that the people I might meet would be important. I didnt know if I really had the time to attend but I knew I had to be there. There was a ceremony prayer tea panel speakers al that but for me it was also the first women of color fellowship I have attended. I transfered to Simmons last semester from Roosevelt University in Chicago. I wanted a more intense education than I was receiving. The problem is that Roosevelt was a community I felt apart of. The student demographics were made up of first generation, working class and working poor people like me. There were white who attended Roosevelt but in a classroom of 25 only 5 students would be non black. I felt at home and at ease and at my best socially. Simmons has been a different experience for me. Roosevelt was filled with students who were over 24. There were working adults with families, singe parents, as well as straight out of high school students. The title Dix Scholar sounds fancy but it feels lonely. So I have been making sure I get off of campus to hang with people of my own age, going to school, working, and running myself raged in the midst of it all. Tonight at the tea it felt good to be in a place where I could meet talk to and hug other women of color. I felt at home. As a first generation college student it is easy to feel out of place in the academy. So you hold on to all your non college attending friends and family but inside of you, you know you need to be apart of the Academy no matter how uncomfortable it feels. I felt like I was apart of the academy tonight and I didn't need to hold onto my "I just go here but this isnt me" safety jacket. I felt like its okay to be an educated woman of color and its okay to belong to this thing.

This is the first time I have ever felt this way here in this city in an educational environment.

I find that when I am inspired I work harder.

There are alot of things that could and do marginalize me. My age as an older student sets me apart. I am a woman of color at a school with a lot of non women of color. lol

I am poor. I am a first generation college student. The list could go on but I think I want to find ways to not let those things be mu achilles heal. Maybe I am starting to believe I deserve to be where I am.. studying what I want to be studying and becoming the person I dream about being. With that I want to make more of an effort to no marginalize myself any more than I need to and speak up about my experiences when allowed to and when not allowed to.

I know I am not the traditional anything .......I probably fall into all the categories of people who don't make it but I dont want that to be my calling card.

I think for the first time I felt worthy of wanting more and that is pretty spectacular.

The Ball Is Burning

2007-02-02T12:41:00.000-08:00

So this video clip is about BALLS.... the fashion talent competitions that happen in the GLBT community... a few of my friends compete in balls I usually just go for fun.. plus Im not fabulous enough to compete but i do consider myself supportive and its always a good time

I think its funny that within my group of friends we have our own HOUSE like set ups even of they arent officially houses.. like my brother his friends have become my brothers and sisters....and the same with my friends... most of us are friends but it has become a family and I think that is pretty amazing

excerpt from other journal & notes on Black History Month

2007-02-02T12:06:00.000-08:00

So I am an avid Blogger this ENgl 105 Journal is one of 3 online journals I frequent.

Here is an excerpt from my more personal journal about February & Black History Month.

I feel like February, to be such a short month has become overloaded with themes & Holidays.
Black History Month, Valentines day, & Heart Disease MOnth.....I like DANG there are only so many weekends and days to celebrate each one... I think Black History Month should be MOved to ...*thinking of a month w/ no holidays* August or May ...why we gotta get a cold month any way lets celebrate Great African Americans at a BBQ or family reunion... I would prefer that any way Oh yeah and Ground Hogs day and here Public schools systems have a week off of school for vacation to celebrate the Presidents Birthdays... Feb is sooo OVERLOADED

Speaking of Black History Month I am performing at Northeaster for their show "Souls of Black Folks" I do alot of Open Mic Spoken word performances....
www.myspace.com/londonbridgez

I wish I could say I am already prepared for this up coming performance
the talent coordinator didnt give me any parameters she said "Write about Black conciousness & the souls of Black Folks" That COULD BE ANYTHING... WTH.... I need to call raquel she goes to Wellesley and she in one of the other poets being featured..... she and I were gonna collaborate but I wonder if we ran out of time to do that. It will go well.. my mom always told me whatever opp they give you on stage make the most of it and I always try and do that

I wish Black History month was a month focused on Service..community service... I feel like it is so cliche..(I have similar thoughts on MLK day).. breakfasts,, open mics, dinners, Gala's, Balls, club nights but how does any of that celebrate Black History..seems to celebrate contemporary ways to have fun in the name of Black History...dance while some red green and black flags hang on the wall...and malcolm or Martin look down on use from the posters hung

Maybe Im just a grinch.....

I am looking forward to the V day performances... though I will admit

My friend Dashelle is organizing one at Roosevelt University..(in chicago). she was having some trouble casting for it.... but if not Im hoping to be in town to see it...

Jonah & I are going out for Vday...hopefully she stays so busy with law school that is hard to plan but I l keep my fingers crossed

Happy Belated Birthday to Me !

2007-02-02T11:53:00.000-08:00

So a week ago I turned 25. YAY ! My birthday party was AMAZING ! The turn out was maybe 30 people or so give or take afew black people. I stopped counting after a while. But It was great to see people I havent seen in a while.

Pics from the Party
Group Shot after cake cutting !

The ladies of Boston Latin 2000

My brother and I

My friend Meredith from Maryland sent me this Book... I have yet to read it but I will try and digg in this weekend.

Over all a good week/ Bday ! Funny a week later I am sick as a hound dog with a fever RUFF RUFF.. I called out of work today so I could rest....I left a mesage with the scretary I hope they dont give me a hard time I almost wish they do so I have areason to quit but I better check myself acting like I dont need to work lol... now thats funny.

First Writing Workshop

2007-01-25T13:42:00.000-08:00

So today we had our first workshop style reading. It wasn't as scary as I thought but then again I also didn't go so maybe it will feel different once I am in the HOT SEAT...lol.... I enjoyed hearing other peoples stories and styles of writing.....

In my other classes i felt like sharing was prohibited in order to prevent plagarism ...but I dont think sharing=plagarism at all....hearing some one else work doesnt make me want to be them or write like them it makes me want to write like me only better....

The Graduation Reactions & Other Notes

2007-01-25T06:49:00.000-08:00

Before I talk about the "Graduation" excerpt by Maya Angelou.
I want to write about my own graduation experiences or lack there of lol.
During elementary I moved alot and seemed to always be on the road or in the middle of packing so graduations have always been passed over as a non priority. Then I came to boston when I was 12 just in t ime to take the ISEE exam which got me into Latin School for High school. Since latin school is a 6 year program I never graduated from middle school and didnt graduate from High school until 2000. Then I went to a Photography trade school they had a graduation but some family crisis took me away from that. Then In Chicago I started college then transfered to Simmons. So next year will be in some respects me first Big celebrated graduation. I refuse to not celebrate it in a bog way. Since my family has never made abig deal out of them I didnt really see the importance yet as I read the Maya Angelou piece I began to understand why they are so symbolic. Blah Blah Blah off to class will finish writing later..........................

First Blog Creative Non Fiction

2007-01-22T18:00:00.000-08:00

So I have to keep a journal for my Creative Non Fiction Class. I cant remember the last time I penned a journal entry so an online format seems only fitting. I have my regular blog but decided I would create one especially for this occasion. Im sitting here attempting to write the first paragraph of my personal narrative. Actually I am avoiding writing my personal narrative. Im worried... I dont think I believe in Non Fiction. I mean how can a story ever be entirely true. I think one of the reasons I want to be a creative writer is because some where inside of me I am a liar. I guess most people wouldn't find it flattering to be called a liar but I am so I will. I love the idea of crafting stories based in reality but warped by my own imagination and laced with truth. In one of my other classes last week my professor lectured on the creation of the fiction novel. I like telling stories then stepping back as a narrator, I feel as if I am too attached to my own life to ever be objective or honest about it, so why try and stress myself out. So Im here attempting to write this paragraph. Every other sentence I think to myself "This would be more interesting or dramatic if I add or said that this happened instead" LOL. I am ridiculous. I wonder why I am not concerned with truth ...I dont think you need truth to tell a great story that holds truth applicable to daily life. BLAAAAH. alright back to this paragraph. BLAH :<