It seems only fitting to share it here in my academic journal. MY Livejournal.com journal is different, I feel as if my friends who read that part of me wouldnt understand this part of me so here I am. I attended the "Sista Sunday" high tea this afternoon. It was a gathering of women of color, including the Simmons COmmunity and several city wide sororities. I was hesitant about going for reasons I couldn't articulate until now. I didnt know what to wear but I figured what I wore was important. I didn't know who would be there but I knew that the people I might meet would be important. I didnt know if I really had the time to attend but I knew I had to be there. There was a ceremony prayer tea panel speakers al that but for me it was also the first women of color fellowship I have attended. I transfered to Simmons last semester from Roosevelt University in Chicago. I wanted a more intense education than I was receiving. The problem is that Roosevelt was a community I felt apart of. The student demographics were made up of first generation, working class and working poor people like me. There were white who attended Roosevelt but in a classroom of 25 only 5 students would be non black. I felt at home and at ease and at my best socially. Simmons has been a different experience for me. Roosevelt was filled with students who were over 24. There were working adults with families, singe parents, as well as straight out of high school students. The title Dix Scholar sounds fancy but it feels lonely. So I have been making sure I get off of campus to hang with people of my own age, going to school, working, and running myself raged in the midst of it all. Tonight at the tea it felt good to be in a place where I could meet talk to and hug other women of color. I felt at home. As a first generation college student it is easy to feel out of place in the academy. So you hold on to all your non college attending friends and family but inside of you, you know you need to be apart of the Academy no matter how uncomfortable it feels. I felt like I was apart of the academy tonight and I didn't need to hold onto my "I just go here but this isnt me" safety jacket. I felt like its okay to be an educated woman of color and its okay to belong to this thing.
This is the first time I have ever felt this way here in this city in an educational environment.
I find that when I am inspired I work harder.
There are alot of things that could and do marginalize me. My age as an older student sets me apart. I am a woman of color at a school with a lot of non women of color. lol
I am poor. I am a first generation college student. The list could go on but I think I want to find ways to not let those things be mu achilles heal. Maybe I am starting to believe I deserve to be where I am.. studying what I want to be studying and becoming the person I dream about being. With that I want to make more of an effort to no marginalize myself any more than I need to and speak up about my experiences when allowed to and when not allowed to.
I know I am not the traditional anything .......I probably fall into all the categories of people who don't make it but I dont want that to be my calling card.
I think for the first time I felt worthy of wanting more and that is pretty spectacular.
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